“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”
- Matthew 11:28 NLT
Note to self: Continue to be transparent. Don’t hide your feelings just so others can be comfortable. It doesn’t do you any good.
Marriage has shown me a lot, not just about myself but about other people. It seemed like I was trying to please everyone and I ended up cheating myself by blowing my own experience. I noticed afterwards that the excitement of my ideas, my dreams, and my goals were not shared. I was confused and hurt, and even angry. I instantly got depressed, and my anxiety was through the roof. All because I allowed others to dim my light. My abandonment issues took full effect. I took a lot of things to heart and it took a toll on my mental health to the point where I realized that taking things personally even when something is clearly directed to you is not healthy. I decided that after my wedding, I would NEVER allow MYSELF to let anyone else dim my light. That morning, I gathered our belongings for our honeymoon, and I made up in my mind that I am enough for God, I am enough for Me, and I’m enough for the people who choose me. I felt like a new woman. It wasn’t a walk in the park, it’s a journey. I had to make a lot of changes, all mental. I took the next few months seeking counsel from family members I could trust. I kept my head in the word, seeking God's face, expecting Him to meet me where I was...and like always, He was there, waiting on me, staring at me right in the face. He met me in that moment, navigating me through scripture and pointing out the answers I asked Him recently and even years ago.
It’s been many times that I have felt that I am just destined to be sad and angry all the time. Feeling like I am wrong to wear my heart on my sleeve. Allowing others to define me, my loyalty, my worth, and my views. I think that many of us who are introverts internalize so much, and me personally, I tend to internalize the perception others have about me. I didn't believe I grasped the concept that it doesn’t matter what others think. Honestly, I think it does matter what others think about you. I say this because I believe that being aware of people’s intentions is a good thing. It definitely teaches you all of the warning signs to avoid, and it prepares you to protect your peace.
Know your Worth. You are Enough.
This is a new daily reminder. Knowing that I am enough. That should be enough. Right? Sometimes we forget this, and I did for a long time. I can’t help but to think about the conversation God had with Moses in Exodus 4. God gave Moses instructions to abide by once he arrived in Egypt to deliver His people out of bondage. After Moses pleaded with God to send someone else God said something that hit my soul.
He said, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord?” -[Exodus 4:11 NLT]
It doesn’t matter what other people say to you, hear about you, or see, you are enough because God says you are. God made me because He wanted to. He made me for His purpose. I am good enough for the assignment.
Choose to Love People. Choose to Not Deal with Foolishness.
Putting yourself first does not make you selfish, being selfish is not doing right by people. Most of us were taught to put others first. Take care of people, help people when they need it, offer your help even when people don’t ask. In Matthew 22:38-39, Christ tells us that we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind. It’s the greatest commandment. Then, He said, “A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself…”, but what does that mean? It surely doesn’t mean to just love your next door neighbor as yourself, but to love your fellow man, across the seas, your boss, your co-worker, the man in the drive through etc as you love yourself. As servants of God, we are told to love our neighbors, but neglecting yourself is not loving yourself. That’s something I struggled with because I felt for a long time that dealing with people’s demons meant that I loved them. Goodness, was I wrong. My downfall was having this mentality that if someone needs me, i’ll be there, and when I need them they will be there. It doesn’t work out like that every time. If it’s not reciprocated then move forward and protect yourself.
Peace is a Gift. Protect it at All Costs.
Peace is one of the many gifts God gives willingly. Having a peace of mind is the ultimate oasis to true love. It exceeds anything we can understand. [Philippians 4:7 NLT] A disturbance of peace internally can shatter a staggering mind, BUT when you are secure in Christ, you can instantly shift your focus back on Him. Instant peace is an amazing thing, and once you experience it, you will make sure that it’s protected at all cost. I had to tell myself that I am at a time in my life where I have too much to do to allow someone to disturb my peace. I asked God to remove anyone who’s tied to me that disturbs my peace, and to teach me to never allow anything or anyone to do it, including me. Peace belongs to you. Protect it.
Forgive. Despite their Faults.
Lastly, FORGIVE. Now this is a hard one for most. For me, when someone hurts me and breaks my heart, it is hard to love them. However, knowing what I know now, loving someone even though they wronged you is the ultimate form of forgiveness. Christ did it for us. Forgiveness is not for the people who wronged you, it’s for you, between you and God. Beautiful right?
